That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
