can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
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