do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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