Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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