and i looked up. we had an audience...
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
