mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize