Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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