So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
