I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
