oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
