she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
