she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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