I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
