Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
