guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
