12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
