i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
