We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
