I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
