Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I'm having to shit out rocks
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