you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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