It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
