dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Randomize
