just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Randomize
