Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
