Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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