Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
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