her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
