9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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