I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Randomize
