i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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