Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
i think my cat just said my name.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
