I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
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I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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