Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
