Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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