Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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