the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
