So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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