Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
