so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Randomize
