Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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