You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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