I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
