we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
