Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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