wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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