Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
