Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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