My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
