Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
