Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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