At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
