I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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