we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
