Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
birth control should be required to get into college
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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