i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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