Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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