all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
