i don't like sucking hair
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
