It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
