would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
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