dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
