John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
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