Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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