Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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