Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i think my mom watched the whole time
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
